Staying in touch.

Thanks God nobody reads this and Owen doesn't care what I write. In fact thats the only reason why I write, so seldom these days but I do often into my laptop, on the planes, stories never finished that go beyond the scope of a blog, mostly because I think as a pornographer I am already judged so nobody is going to judge me even more reading this. Maybe other porn company owners can cast the ultinate judgement that I am not promoting big dicks and using this blog as a personal confession stand rather then pages full of filth thats supposed to sell more product and promote more fake images of "stars". Well here is one that likes to keep things real. So why did I bother to open this window after months? Maybe I was opening it everyday, writing virtually to it just never really seeing the end to any of the stories I started. Real life gets always convoluted in the shortcomings of our own pursuits. Nothing ever works out exactly like it should, there are no easy answers and trivializing life to get them leads to no useful conclusions. Neither today I have nothing really useful to offer, rather yet another confusing question prompted me to write. How do we stay in touch? With our friends, our parents, other people important to us. how do we do it - how do we decide - you will get a personal; letter and you wont, who will get that last bit of attention we have to offer. Our last five minutes before we go to bed or first five before we get out of it to start a busy day. Friends with whom we used to be close but we're not anymore, though there is really no other reason than that we're in another place on earth and they are just not around to meet for coffee. But how could they be we life crazy lives, I least I do 3-4 months a year in my own city, thats not promoting friendship life - thats a disaster for everyone who wants to be your friend. So to get to the core of the issue I think the answer has always been for people in my situation very practical and selfish. yes I'll use this word for there is no other to describe that in life we stay in touch with people who offer us a useful exchange. May it be financial, intelectual, perhaps sexual but always there has to be somtheing they have to offer beyond they telling you news in your life and you telling them news from yours. Such an altruistic friendship is short lived and better maintained as a monologue in ones memory rather than disappointing dialogue of emails with decreasing frequency. So from the bat, who are we not going to write to? Is it more my ex or my exe's mother with whom perhaps I had a closer relationship? Is it my old home doctor or the pharmacist? Which one of them could be more useful in the future? Or maybe even that friend who could get me free concert tickets or another one who had good contacts in the underground. I can never decide between the farther and grandfather though, my landlord or the manager at my former bank, although the latter are less likely to be your friends at all unless you live in a really small city.