Horror before my eyes.

My boyfriend is in a hospital for the past three weeks trying to survive a serious septic shock that was a direct fault direct of two times negligent misdiagnosis at the emergency room. He is in a coma and I am by his bedside days and nights living the horror of something so dear to me being taken away from me by the very same people who were supposed to prevent it. As I cannot manage psychologically the string of never-ending bad news of complications, I try to distract myself thinking of work. Normally I would be studying and shooting porn, but now I have more shocking footage to work on; its a video account of when my current boyfriend was dying and fighting for his life in the past three weeks Its a documentary, me talking to the camera each day recounting events, making some observations, trying not to cry mostly shot in the taxis, hospital hallways with my iphone and two other cameras I have some right in the open, some undercover in the ICU rooms. Story that's filmed live that nobody knows how its going to end - live documentary normally documentary you do after the facts, this one is shown as we go along and at times its as hard to watch as Lars von Trier. The wors it that its all not over yet and it can go either way and I am not keeping the viewer guessing to keep the tension but just present an account of each days events that just happen to be like this. The name of this film will be something like 31 days and I will end it the day when he walks out of the Intensive Care Unit either stable and alive or in a plastic bag. But I need to watch the footage and think what else I should be recording. Just me talking, no matter how captivating it is is not enough. I think I have hours of tape by now. Its interesting its showing the world collapsing around me and how I change and how have to adapt and how horrible choices I have to make to go through it. I am by myself shooting this and I can to be respectful to my boyfriend and really take care of him at the same time so i give him say 13 hours of undivided attention and I film for 15 minutes. There will be many people who will question my motives and will judge me on as many levels as possible, mostly not believing how could I think of helping my bf and at the same time have a head to profit from his and mine suffering. While in fact I am just watching a film happening in front of my eyes and its so gruesome its hard not to film it. Perhaps that documentary is what keeps me sane through those hard days when my life otherwise seems in suspension. When its edited I will set it all the well known dramatic classical music for a greater effect. M