My first post.

So I am sitting like a looser in Rio de Janeiro, or at last I think i am while other people have fun and are pushing their lives forward. Oh God, here it is - a ray of sunshine, from the very first sentence. But let it be, the idea was that I don't care if anyone reads it and I'll write without a filter so lets get to the bottom of this. As in principio I am in Rio de Janeiro and sitting on a couch during a hot night with windows open to the rooftop-garden and sounds of bustling life passing by on the Saturday night streets below. Clearly I am not on the ground floor with people in the restaurants bars and pubs enjoying the night and weather but I am up here only listening to to all and growling that in fact I am not somewhere else. That somewhere else is home which is Venice, Italy. Place now cold and dark with lots of fog and occasional freezing high water soaking your shoes and pants when you try to cross the courtyard to get to the front door of the house. Place which I came to love and which is an oddest of choices to live but one which now additionally pulls my thoughts like a magnet. And why? Well its simple, primitive in fact - jealousy. After my boyfriend sent me a picture of Jonnie Depp standing in a balcony of a palace very close to mine, I cant stop thinking about it and saying to myself why is it that I am not the guy on top of my game making a movie in Venice, having everyone run around him helping him create a piece of work that is as much amusing in making as it is developing. This is the killer of my evening - Jonnie Depp and his success are a killer. I feel like if I were home I could myself go out to my balcony stretch my arm and almost touch them. Its awful. Hollywood normally leaves you alone, its somewhere out there in the studios in Santa Monica with executives and actors you never see. But this time hollywood in its finest arrived in my front yard and what am I doing about it? Nothing - sitting in my roof garden reading a monologue play about the domineering sadistic schoolteacher forcing eight-graders into submission and force-feeding them sexual education they are not ready for. Play is called Miss Margarida's Way and it was famous in its haydey - that being int he 70s, supposedly produced on Broadway and all over. I even bumbed in Rio into one older gentleman from New York City who recalled it as an evening of terrific fun some twenty years ago. Regardless of how many times Miss Margerida says something funny or surprising still the imposing image of Johhnie Depp in the window of Pisani-Moretta Palace is driving me up the wall tonight. I am going to include that picture here so that its obvious. he also has this ominous look on his face which is a trademark of very focused people.

In the meantime while I am musing here how nice it would be to rub shoulders with hollywood heavyweights, I just got off the phone with one very famous person - Marcus Aurelius - a more modern version of the Roman emperor from the second century. The original one was a famous stoic pholosopher and ruled the civilized world for about 20 years. The one who just called me is also a ruler in his own way but over a completely different domain, and stoic he is not. Who, how and what i am going to say in my next posting. It is ironic so stay tuned.